• Home
• -System
• Articles

Charlotte, Roving reporter

Divorce

Divorce. Not a pleasant word, is it? Well, most people who have gone through it, or have experienced it to some degree, agree with me when I say that it's not. Four years ago I was quite ignorant about this subject, but when my world was turned upside-down I found myself knowing almost too much about it.

Five stages

Not many people understand that if your parents divorce, you will grieve. But when you start to experience the grief cycle first-hand, you realise there is something more to divorce than just the physical separation of a couple and their funds.

Most people experience two or more of these five things while going through the divorce process:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

One of the most frustrating things about this is that they do not necessarily have to be in that order, nor do they only occur once.

Finding out

When you first find out your parents' relationship isn't working anymore, and then they decide to separate and eventually divorce, it's a horribly tough time.

I remember not being able to believe it. Sometimes it's the way you find out about it that hurts the most. But there is never a good time to tell someone that something as major as this is going to happen.

I had just had the perfect night, slept over at a friend's house with seven of my greatest friends, and then that next morning, as we were driving home, I was told. I bawled my eyes out, and at that stage I thought that was the only thing I could do.

It didn't really sink in until a couple of weeks later, until I well and truly got past the denial stage. Then the anger came. And the anger came in abundance. I was angry at Dad, at Mum, and at the situation they had put me in.

I think one of the hardest things about going through the stages of divorce are the fact that you're the meat in the sandwich, and no one can really understand that unless they have been in that position.

Dealing with the depression

One thing that I have found is that the depression hits with unsuspecting force. I have gone through this stage myself, and I know people that have gone through this stage. The best thing that you can do for yourself is get the necessary help as soon as possible. As much as that sounds like a lecture, it's as true as it gets.

Organisations like Beyond Blue, Reach Out and Lifeline are all places that can help you get advice and help to manage your depression.

Helping your friends get through it

People may ask what they can do to help their friend at a time of high stress, anxiety, and sometimes depression. The best thing they can do for them is to listen, understand, and don't be judgmental. Sometimes the thing that your friend needs the most is just a hug and just a simple question like "how are you?" If they say "okay" and don't want to talk, don't force it, but if they say "not okay" and do want to talk, lend an ear and be there for them. That's all that's needed.

Acceptance comes. As you go through the pain, the anger and the denial, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But let me tell you, it comes. And when it does, it is the most blissful and beautiful time ever.

Links

Reach Out (new window)
Advice for sorting stuff out, finding help and chilling out.

Beyond Blue (new window)
Help with responding to and prevention of depression.

Lifeline (new window)
24-hour counselling and information service

BACK TO MORE ARTICLES